A Life in Letters
by SpicedGold
Summary: Elsa is a snowflake, made up of many different faces. She contemplates what it is that makes up who she is now, and how she has changed from who she used to be. Now a two-shot, second chapter is Anna's life in letters.
1. Chapter 1 - Elsa

A Life in Letters

**This is just a one-shot idea that came to me while riding my horse and thinking about Frozen (story of my life). Elsa thinks of her life in letters. Thanks for reading.**

**Edit: Now I'm wondering if I shouldn't do Anna as well?**

**SpicedGold**

* * *

><p>She remembered sitting on her father's lap, paging through a book. Each page depicted a letter and a word, and so she had learnt the alphabet. 'A' was for apple. 'B' was for bear. The world of words was just a combination of those letters, all of them arranged in a unique way. Words were like snowflakes, the letters were the snow. Elsa wondered what her life would look like in letters now.<p>

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><p>A<p>

Arendelle - It made sense that this was the first letter of the alphabet, because it belonged to the first thing Elsa thought of when she thought of herself. She was ruler of Arendelle. It was hers, and she was its. They both depended on each other to define themselves. They were intertwined. Queen Elsa of Arendelle. That was the first facet of who she was.

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><p>B<p>

Beauty – She saw it in her powers. It was impossible to miss. She didn't see it in herself. She didn't see it at the coronation. She saw it in her Ice Palace, it formed around her in breath-taking shapes and spirals. She saw her soul in that Palace, and she finally saw the beauty both inside and outside of her. And letting that tension go had shown her the beauty in the rest of the world. She had a fresh perspective on the world. Sometimes the beauty would hide behind the monster she occasionally thought she was, but most of the time, when she caught sight of herself, she would smile. She really was 'beautifuller'.

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><p>C<p>

Chocolate – there were happy parts to her life now, and who she was. There was an escape in chocolate, a reminder of better times. There was laughter and family mixed into the treat. There was a giddy sort of fun to chocolate, a reprieve from being herself. And, almost always, where there was chocolate, there would also be Anna. Chocolate also meant closeness.

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><p>D<p>

Doors – They could be open or closed. They were internal or external. The external doors had opened on her coronation. The internal doors had only opened later. Except for any door Anna knocked on. While Elsa _had_ to keep the external doors closed, against all pleas and requests _(Elsa, do you wanna build a snowman?)_, every time Anna knocked, the internal door would swing open. On the North Mountain, all her doors had opened, and Anna had been the first person inside.

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><p>E<p>

Eternity – Eternity meant a few different things, encompassed a few different facets of her life. Eternal winter had been short lived, and that had pleased her, looking back on it. Because winter was death, and eternal death was not something she wanted. Eternal life, though, petrified her just as much. She didn't know if her powers would keep her alive longer than normal people, because she was a witch and a sorceress and not all human. Eternity _alone_ did not sound appealing. Eternity frightened her.

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><p>F<p>

Fear – There was an undercurrent of it throughout her life. Fear for her sister. Fear for her secret. Fear for her life – _monster!_ – and fear that she wouldn't live up to what was expected of her. Fear made her anxious, anxiety led to mistakes. She can't help but feel that less fear would have led to fewer mistakes. Fear is her enemy. Elsa felt surrounded.

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><p>G<p>

Gloves – They were meant to be security, and for a while they had been. Then they had become obsession. Then they had become a metaphor. A cover up. The gloves helped conceal; with gloves on she couldn't feel. When the gloves came off, the good girl had gone with them. Gloves and gates belonged together, and Elsa had shed them both.

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><p>H<p>

Hair – Elsa had always been aware of hair. In the limited amount of time she had spent with Anna, she had always found her eyes drawn to her sister's hair. To the white streak running through it, a constant, glaring reminder that Elsa was out of control. Hair also meant control. Elsa would tie hers up tightly, out of the way, and she would be pleased that there was something she had total control over. Some days she was wound tighter than her hair. And some days she would take off her crown, unpin her hair, remember the mountains, and just let it go.

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><p>I<p>

Ice – _I am Ice_. This made sense. It was her personal pronoun, and it was who she was beneath her skin. Elsa was Ice. Not only cold and dangerous, but also powerful and strong. She was the true Queen of the Ice, and she liked that title. She liked being Ice.

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><p>J<p>

Jealous – She and Anna took turns with this one, as children. Anna was jealous of Elsa's powers. Elsa was jealous that Anna got away with anything, while she was always being told to behave. Elsa was jealous than Anna didn't have to be a good girl. Elsa had been jealous that Anna got hugs when she couldn't. Elsa was no longer jealous of Anna's hugs, because almost all of them were for her now.

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><p>K<p>

King – Elsa thinks of her father every day. She is not King, but she has to live up to him. She carries him with her, in everything she does. Sometimes her mind will wander, and she'll wonder if she'll ever have a King at her side. She finds that the thought leaves quite quickly, because she has a King in her heart and that is enough for her.

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><p>L<p>

Lonely – She had no right to be lonely. What more could she want? She had her sister, her people. She was the Queen; there was not a single thing she would want for. But when she was alone, in her study or her room, she felt lonely. The feeling lessened when Anna was around, but never left completely. There was always a slight hollow inside her, a longing for something more like herself to fill it. She felt lonely in Arendelle. She hadn't felt lonely on the North Mountain.

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><p>M<p>

Monster – The word rang around her head at odd times. When she was brushing her hair. When she was laughing with Anna. When she looked in the mirror and the sun wasn't shining. She was more than a Queen; she was a monster as well. Her monster was cold and translucent, but as time wore on, she found it to be less persistent. She hadn't always been a monster. Maybe, if she tried hard enough, she could go back to the way it was. When she hadn't been a monster. But then she thought of the manacles in the dungeon, and she knew it wasn't possible.

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><p>N<p>

Need – Most of the time Elsa thinks of other's needs. What does Anna need? What does Kristoff need? What does Arendelle need? It's only on occasion that she thinks of what _she_ needs, and it always surprises her. Elsa doesn't think of herself much, because she is made up of the people around her. She depends on them for her existence. So, what does she need? Warmth, love; Anna gives these in abundance. Company sometimes, seclusion at other times. She gets this too. Elsa has everything she needs, when she deigns to even think of such things. The needs of others are more important than her own. She feels like Papa would be proud of that.

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><p>O<p>

Olaf – He was their childhood. He was summer, and warm hugs, and love for Anna. He was tangible evidence of Elsa's love. He was also tangible evidence of her complexity. He might not have as many facets as she did, but he still confused her. Where had he come from, why was he here? How did she create life? And would he be the only type of life she created? He was merry and optimistic; he was the things she wanted most wrapped up in snow and running around where everyone could see them. He was her _own_.

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><p>P<p>

Proud – Papa was supposed to be proud of her. She didn't know if he was. She had disobeyed the rule he held above all others – _conceal, don't feel_. But she was ruling Arendelle well, and that had to count for something. There were others who were proud of her; she had seen the pride in Kai's eyes the day she showed off her powers and turned the courtyard into a skating rink. She had seen the pride in Anna's eyes as she lifted the eternal winter off Arendelle. Sometimes she felt the pride flicker inside her own chest, and she knew that if she was proud of herself, surely Papa must be too. Because she was the good girl she was supposed to be.

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><p>Q<p>

Queen – There were many faces to who Elsa was. Queen was the one most people saw. It was the face she wore most often, and so it had to be the one she was best at. She liked the face of the Queen, because the Queen didn't freak out over nothing, or cause a scene, or hide away. The Queen was strong and powerful, benign yet respected. Sometimes she felt as though 'Elsa' was hiding behind 'Queen'. And she found it didn't matter, because 'Elsa' was 'Queen'.

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><p>R<p>

Reflection – Elsa sees herself in everything. She sees herself in the winter. She sees herself in the wind that brings the snow. She sees herself in every snowflake. And she sees herself in her powers. Her reflection is there in her ice, she sees herself in a thousand different places in her Palace. Mostly, she likes what she sees. The freedom in her face and movements is exhilarating. When Anna comes, Elsa sees a monster. Elsa sees her thoughts mirrored in her Palace as well, she sees the red of despair, the blue of content, and the yellow of desperate anger. It's not always her face that reflects at her, but it is always _her_.

* * *

><p>S<p>

Sister – This should be the first letter, because it was the most important. Elsa supposed, in a way, it was the first letter. Her sister was the glue that held Elsa together, through anything. She was the person Elsa would give up anything, everything, for. _This_ was how Elsa defined herself, not as a Queen. She was a sister.

* * *

><p>T<p>

Trolls – Elsa wishes they weren't a part of who she was, but they were seared into her memory. She owed them her sister's life, of course, but thinking of them made her uneasy. She owed them her sister's life twice, because if it wasn't for Kristoff, Anna wouldn't be here. And the trolls raised Kristoff, so by the transient properties of gratitude, the trolls saved Anna from Elsa's eternal winter. She didn't have to like them, but she was grateful to them. They were still a part of what made Elsa.

* * *

><p>U<p>

Unity – This meant a lot of things to Elsa. She'd screwed up a lot of the unity of Arendelle, between Weaselton and the Southern Isles. But it didn't really matter, because Anna had taken hold of Elsa's hand and united them. Elsa would give up everything else to keep things the way they were now. Unity between countries was irrelevant, unity between her and her sister was imperative. It was no accident that unity had 'U' and 'I'.

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><p>V<p>

Very – Elsa didn't feel things in half measure. She felt things in 'very'. She had a whole life of 'very'. Very Happy, very Frightened, very Sad, very Tense, very Scared, very Happy, very Angry (and Afraid, she still didn't know how she had felt when Hans and his men had stormed her Palace) very Unconscious, very Devastated, and very Happy. At least everything had come full circle, but sometimes she wished for a bit less 'very'. It was very taxing.

* * *

><p>W<p>

Winter – This was a big part of who she was. Because Elsa was winter incarnate. She was frigid winds and snow and ice. She was powerful and dangerous, beautiful and cold. Winter was strength and death, and Elsa liked being one of those things. She loved the winter now, the white frost and the virgin snow. The cold never bothered her, anyway. There had been a time when winter upset her. Well, she supposed, it wasn't the winter that upset her. It was the question that came with it.

* * *

><p>X<p>

She couldn't think of anything for this. This had always been the strange letter in the alphabet books; it didn't seem to belong anywhere. 'X' didn't lead words; it was just somewhere in the middle. Not important enough to be in front, but indispensible in the crowd. Perhaps she couldn't identify with it, because she was a leader. Her life was devoid of 'X'. It made her feel glad and lonely at the same time. 'X' didn't stand alone; it had to have other letters around it. Elsa didn't need that.

* * *

><p>Y<p>

Yesterday – Elsa often longed for yesterdays. Yesterday, she hadn't frozen Anna's mind. Yesterday, she hadn't said good bye to her parents. Yesterday, she hadn't revealed her powers at her coronation. Yesterdays are the things dreams are made of. But she supposed she didn't mind so much now, she didn't long for quite so many yesterdays. Because now, tomorrows were full of promise.

* * *

><p>Z<p>

The book had a zigzag in it, and it always annoyed Elsa because a zigzag wasn't a _thing_. It was like the letter 'Z' had just fallen over and no one had taken the time to put it back the right way. Elsa was a zigzag, an out-of-place thing that tipped over and became something else. She had tipped when she was eight, and no one had turned her the right way up. The world had been upside down. But then she had discovered that _Love Thaws_, and everything had changed. Anna took the time to turn her the right way up. Elsa wasn't out of place anymore.


	2. Chapter 2 - Anna

Anna

**This was interesting - it was actually harder to come up with things for Anna than it was for Elsa. I got stuck on a lot of letters. Anyway, enjoy this second chapter.**

The things that defined Anna were often more tangible. Because Anna's personality was turned outwards, not inwards like her sister. Anna needed people, objects, something she could _touch_, to hold her up. She needed strength to come from the outside.

* * *

><p>A<p>

Alone – Alone was not something she liked. She didn't understand Elsa's need to spend so much time alone, and quiet, she much preferred being with people. Perhaps it stemmed from a desperate fear that she would be alone again. She wanted 'together' so much more than 'alone'. She tried to avoid the feeling at all costs. "For the first time in forever, I won't be alone." Oh, the hope it carried with it. "We can face this thing together." "We can fix this hand in hand." "Nobody wants to be alone." She knew she didn't. She didn't want to be alone, ever.

* * *

><p>B<p>

Bare – Anna remembers, when she was very young, escaping from her mother's grasp at bath time and taking off through the halls completely nude. It just felt like the right thing to do. She realised that you could see people in what they left uncovered. She was older now, but often bare-shouldered, bare armed, low neck lines. People could see the freckles on her skin, and she liked that. She was showing off the real her, not hidden under layers of clothing. Clothes hid things, she discovered. Even something as simple as gloves could be hiding a secret. And that is what was so different, she realised, when she gaped at her sister in complete awe and stuttered, "Whoa, Elsa, you look . . . _different_ . . ." Because suddenly there was Elsa's skin. Anna was seeing her for the first time.

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><p>C<p>

Contact – Anna needed contact. She craved it. She reached out to anyone, anything, both physically and metaphorically. She needed hugs and hand holding and proximity. She sought it out anywhere she could (and that was a problem, wasn't it, because she crashed into Hans and he offered his hand and she took it and then she needed more than just that . . .) Sometimes, when she hugs her sister, and she does it a lot these days because she _can_ and it's contact and she _needs_ it, it feels as though Elsa needs it more than she does. And sometimes, she thinks, that should be impossible.

* * *

><p>D<p>

Daughter – She thought about her parents often. She was not a princess in the traditional sense; she climbed trees and scaled the castle roofs, and generally behaved in a manner not quite befitting a princess. She never really defined herself by her royalty. But she was definitely a daughter. And she knew her parents would be happy that she was embracing who she wanted to be, and not bending to the wills of others. The daughter of a King should not have so much freedom, but Anna was irrepressible. She was a daughter first, and a princess only second.

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><p>E<p>

Elsa – Elsa was most important. She was the pinnacle of important, both to Arendelle and to Anna's life. Anna would die for her, and she _has_, and she would again. She looks up to Elsa, and sometimes she has to hold her up. Elsa wavers between strength and weakness, and Anna is the powerful pull of gravity that holds her sister together. Everyone thinks it is Elsa who is the most important thing to Arendelle, but they are wrong. Without Anna, there wouldn't be Elsa.

* * *

><p>F<p>

Fire – Kristoff wanted her to say 'feisty'. But just as Elsa was ice - cold and distant and hard to understand - Anna was fire: warm and open and drawing people in. People were mesmerized by fire; they stopped to look at it, they were transfixed by its beauty and uniqueness and movement. And fire was sometimes controlled, sometimes wild. Anna could take over a room, a conversation, like a wildfire out of control. Anna exuded warmth. She had enough warmth to thaw a frozen heart.

* * *

><p>G<p>

Green – It was spring, and summer, and hope and new life. She loved it, because it was part of Arendelle, which was part of her. She grew up around the colour, wore it in almost every outfit, loved the gardens with their expanses of grass. Green was bright and vibrant, a reflection of who she was. And when the sky was awake, it snaked tendrils of green, and a thousand other colours, across the sky. When winter thawed, all the green came out again. Green was like opening doors.

* * *

><p>H<p>

Hands – She watched Elsa's a lot. Elsa's hands stayed still, clasped in front of her or wrapped around her stomach. Anna's hands were always busy, gesturing, reaching. They spoke for her, in wild, extravagant movements. Anna shouted with her hands, grasped things, kept them always, _always_ moving. She pointed and grabbed, waved them around, clutched things and fiddled. Hands meant life; it bothered her that Elsa's were often so still.

* * *

><p>I<p>

Innocent – Anna can be very naïve about things. She sees the good in everyone, which makes her quick to forgive, but vulnerable as well. She doesn't see danger, because she is still possessed by the childish belief that she is invincible, and nothing will happen to her. Most people think she's so innocent because of the way she lives: smiling and laughing and singing. She knows that she only _looks_ innocent, and it's to hide the fact that she had to grow up too fast. She grips her childhood with vehemence, because if she takes her eyes off it for too long, it will vanish from her memory. Innocence is a choice.

* * *

><p>J<p>

Joan – Joan was Anna's tangible hope. And now she feels as though there was something mystical about the fact that this was the picture she chose to talk to the most, because Joan's story was magic just like Elsa. Anna looks at the portrait and she sees strength and power. _Hang in there, Joan._ Because there will always be a dawning of hope, there will always be a happy ending, a reward for the hardships they face. Hope and faith, these were Anna's constant companions. Joan was grounding, she was a point in Anna's life to return to often. A constant, in the loneliness of her childhood.

* * *

><p>K<p>

Kristoff – He was all the things Anna wanted; comfort, strength, quiet confidence and security. He was her beautiful stranger, tall and fair. They balanced each other; he tempered her wild abandonment and irrationality. She got him to open up and tolerate people. And maybe she liked him because she was drawn to people who hid away from the world. Mostly, though, she thinks it's because he was so unbelievably loyal, no matter what she threw at him. He didn't leave when she burnt his sled, and nearly set him on fire, and nearly concussed him with carrots, and made him jump off a cliff, and, and, _and_. If he could put up with all that, without even _knowing_ her, she knew he was someone worth keeping in her life.

* * *

><p>L<p>

Love – She thought she didn't know anything about it. But there is only one way to describe a lifetime spent in faith of a sister who never opens the door. Anna forgave her sister every trespass; she defended her from everyone who spoke ill of her. She followed her up an icy mountain alone. She acted without thought for herself. Anna knows exactly what love is, and she is bursting with it. She just didn't recognise it as something special, because it was such an integral part of who she was.

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><p>M<p>

Mountains – Mountains meant a lot of things. They were proud and sturdy. They could be hard to understand, difficult to traverse. Her father had been a mountain. Elsa could be a mountain, too. But mostly, mountains were something you could depend on. They were always there. Reliable. Stable. Difficult to overcome, but comforting in their complexity. Anna knew that she was a mountain. Mountains were always there. You could look to them and know, in the dark of night or the pit of loneliness, that they were _there_. _Always._ Sometimes even outside your door, asking if you wanted to build a snowman.

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><p>N<p>

Now – Anna likes 'now'. Waiting is agony, so 'now' is better. There was spontaneity to 'now'; there was a lack of patience surrounding it. Anna was 'now'; she didn't dwell on past or future. The present, _that_ was all she concerned herself with. She didn't think ahead, she rarely looked back. Sometimes she thinks that 'now' is so important, because it was all she had to hang onto as a child. _Maybe . . . she'll open . . . the door . . . now?_

* * *

><p>O<p>

Ocean – Anna's heart is an ocean. It was vast and unpredictable; it takes and gives and flows and ebbs and cannot be understood or tamed. When the waves crash and heave and the ships pitch and yaw, so does Anna's heart with the agonizing memory of what happens on rough seas. When the waters lay calm and serene, it is reflected in her eyes, that same beautiful serenity. You could drown in Anna's heart; Kristoff knows this is not a bad thing.

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><p>P<p>

People – She loved people. The more there were, the happier she was. Open gates and open doors meant open hearts. People built her up, made her happy, confident. The most important things in her life were people, and she wanted to meet more of them. Each person she met could teach her something new about herself, and each one was a pleasure and ease to talk to. At the coronation, she clears her throat awkwardly, because she didn't know how to talk to Elsa. And that _hurt_, because Elsa should be the one person Anna talks to as easily as she talks to herself. But Elsa's not a people. She's a _person_. The distinction is important.

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><p>Q<p>

Quick – She talks too fast. She makes decisions too fast. She blurts things out without thinking. She jumps off cliffs before counting to three. She impulsively punches traitorous princes. Self-control is not her forte. But if she didn't decide things quickly, she wouldn't have a sister anymore. If she hadn't made the irrational and very quick decision to launch in front of a falling sword, neither of the sisters would be here anymore. She got more out of life by being quick.

* * *

><p>R<p>

Remember – Anna can't remember things from when she was younger. There are gaps in her memory, things she can't place. Hazy memories filled with fun, but devoid of detail. She remembers _falling_, and the frazzled, dream-like state of those memories. Sometimes they seem like dreams, but bits are too vivid for dreams. She remembers leaping in the way of a sword, her legs heavy, her body cold and slowly numbing. She doesn't remember what happens next. But she does remember love.

* * *

><p>S<p>

Snowmen – Snowmen were happiness and childhood. They were emotions turned outwards, given a face. Olaf was happiness and love, things that Anna lapped up eagerly. Snowmen meant time with Elsa, memories of delight and fun. Making snowmen was a physicality of emotion. She could see the happiness, she could see the joy. And that lifted her heart, because Anna liked things that she could see and touch. Snowmen meant that the emotions, thoughts and feelings were unequivocally there.

* * *

><p>T<p>

Truth – She hated lying. She hated the way things could be hidden. Lying led to terrible things like rifts between sisters, and years of confusion and misunderstanding. But the truth could be hard, too. _"What are you so afraid of?"_ That truth was a shock. So was the next one, _"Oh Anna. If only there was someone out there who loved you."_ But she still preferred the truth to the lies. Because the truth, in the end, made her see how much she loved her sister. Made her see who was really there for her. The truth, it turned out, was much simpler than she had thought. "You sacrificed yourself for me?" _Why?_ It was an unspoken question. The answer, simple. "I love you."

* * *

><p>U<p>

Unique – Everyone always said that snowflakes were unique. Anna saw that in her sister; there was no one in the world quite like Elsa. Elsa seemed like something ethereal at times, but now that they are talking again Anna knows that Elsa feels the same way about Anna. Anna is the only person in the world to truly understand Elsa, the only person so willing to forgive, defend, love and protect. She's a mix of the all the good in the world, all the perfection of the soul that Elsa feels she does not have. They think each other to be so unique, but Elsa insists Anna is more so.

* * *

><p>V<p>

Voice – She is always talking. It had been to fill the void, at one time. She would natter away to dolls, to portraits, to a door that never opened. It was a coping mechanism, a way to cover up her social awkwardness honed through a lack of interaction. She couldn't help it, she _had_ to talk. She thought too fast, and her words couldn't keep up, and then she stumbled over them and prattled endlessly about absolutely nothing. Now, she talked because there were people to listen to her. It was a good feeling. She told people that a lot.

* * *

><p>W<p>

Whoa – It's an involuntarily proclamation: when a sled falls into a ravine and burst into flames. When she is looking around a castle made of ice. When she sees her sister step out of the shadows in a dress of indescribable blue. She says it, not to make the world stop, but to slow down that little fragment of time, because it's so amazing that Anna wants to savour it, understand it, fully experience it. She lives life so fast, that sometimes she needs to express the desire to slow it down a fraction. Just those fractions where things are so _different_ that she needs a moment to catch up to it. It's a good different.

* * *

><p>X<p>

She could pass this one by, as irrelevant. It wasn't really anything, and it could be glossed over and lost in the grand scheme of things. It didn't fit in with her life, so it could be discarded and her focus could fall to other things, more relevant things. Elsa couldn't ignore it, but Anna could. She wondered if that was good or bad.

* * *

><p>Y<p>

Yes – Anna is a 'yes' person. She reflexively says 'yes' to everything, even outrageous requests like 'will you marry me?'. But saying 'yes' isn't always bad. Her eagerness to accept things meant that she forgave Elsa everything, instantly. She saw the good in all people, the pleasure in life. And she waited, patiently, for the answer of 'yes' to the question she asked most often_, do you wanna build a snowman?_ One 'yes' was worth thirteen years of 'no's.

* * *

><p>Z<p>

Zigzag – Anna has no problem with the zigzag in the book. She finds it fun and different. It stands out, it draws attention to itself. Everything else is staid and obvious. Apple. Bear. Not this. She thinks zigzags are whimsical and frivolous, and she absently traces them with finger tips on everything. Zigzags continue forever. They are infinity, with no start and no end. Just one long, up and down. Like life. Anna loves her life.


End file.
